THE BARBER SHOP
Barber 1 – Master and kiosk owner
Koku Segbefia – store cleaner and squatter
Two old men
The scene is set in a barber shop (kiosk) in Taifa, a suburb in the Greater Accra Region of Ghana. Two old men play a game of cards right outside the kiosk. An orange seller sits right across the street from the kiosk.
Barber 1: Number 9! Come and clean up this mess! Why do I still see strands of pubic-looking-like hair all bundled up feeling free on my kiosk’s floor?
Aside – Where is this Ayigbe boy koraaa? (Looks around, then through the kiosk’s back window)
Spots Koku behind the Kiosk
Herh! Koku Segbefia! So you are here drinking tea behind my kiosk eh? Did you not hear me call you? Don’t you know you are supposed to clean the shop first before you do anything? How were you able to even sleep in this filth last night? Are you deaf? Eh?! *Tone rises suddenly*Do you not hear me speaking to you?
(Koku rolls his eyes and looks the other way with a sneer on his face yet speaks with an uppity voice)
Koku: oh massa! Ny3 bro! (He sips on his tea some more and chokes while speaking) It’s not like that oo. Hmmm massa, it’s the worms in my stomach. (Koku dips bread into tea and bites off a mouth full). They’ve been playing kyelensa too much in my stomach nowadays (he looks at Barber 1 at this point and lifts bread towards him). So I decided to take this light chicken feed to stop the gidigidi and too know they’ve been doing so that I can have some peace. Massa, it won’t happen again! Sorry. (Koku looks away with a sinister smile on his face)
Barber 2 and Barber 3 walk into the kiosk. Barber 1 turns his gaze away from the back window to look at them.
Barber 3: Ah onua! Na 3bazi nso ni? What is the meaning of this?(Puts his clipper on a table near him). You don’t pay us enough to work in this kind of hairy environment!
Barber 2 stares wide-eyed and intrigued at Barber 3 as he completes his statement.
Barber 2: But Boss, why is our work station still dirty? (Pauses and looks around) Has Koku “Number 9” run away again?
Barber 1: Onua, I am even shocked. And to think he sleeps here. He is behind the kiosk. Otwa tea.
(He spots something in the corner of the shop). Ah, my brothers… am I see correctly? I will kill this boy today!
Barber 2 and 3 look shocked yet amused. they stare at each other and then back at item in the corner.
Meanwhile… behind the kiosk
Koku: Tso! You people talk too much! Everyday number 9 this! Number 9 that!(Gestures similar to that of an animated coach on a touchline). I clean the kiosk everyday too before they come oo. Only yesterday! Yesterday only Selasie came here for me to show her that I have a spring in my waist and I forgot to clean the kiosk, these people want to do like I am some dirty boy. I know their every move too! If they try and fire me, I will show them that me too I am boss some! Suaaa… like… ma fl3 shop!! You let me give you an example.
You see that orange seller across the street (points outside). You think she is there because she can’t find any other place or because there is some market bi she is getting here? Twiaaa… if she wanted customers like she would have moved up the road closer to the T-junction. But noooo…! Massa is doing-doing her and making her smile with her pink lips every two days so she has kaa. The thing is sweet her too much. Massa’s wife too is my body-body so he cannot do me foko cos he knows I know and if he does fi, confusion will happen! In fact war!
(From inside the kiosk) herh Koku Segbefia! Report yourself here now!
Koku: Massa I am here (Koku pretends to be panting heavily)
Barber 1: Koku please explain yourself. What is this? (Points at a used condom in the corner)
Koku: o massa! At least I am using condom
Barber 3: don’t be stupid
Barber 2: ah! But he is right! Condom ho hia paa!
Barber 1: Koku! You know what? To cut a long story short, m’eyi wo adi!
Koku: Massa, I don’t understand oo. You know your Twi is too heavy for me, against your heavy accent.
Barber 1: You are fired!
Koku: (Lies prostrate) Oh massa I beg! It was just Selasie and me p3. We didn’t even do it like the way you and the orange seller have been doing it (Mimicks the act). It was sharp sharp!
Barber 3: Oh Massa saa?! So you are sleeping with the wife of the old man you’ve been playing cards with everyday in front of the shop?
(Loud scream from outside) What?!!
In enters first customer of the day.
Please tweet at me (@mr_asante) to let me know which kiosk we should feature next or comment below with some of your dramatic experiences in a kiosk or know of. It just might get featured. Thank you! Cheers!
Hahahaha Awurade I haven’t laughed this hard in a while….Kwame the number 9 people will get you, u killed it I like the comedy
Most of them are my friends though! Hahahaha… Thank you sir! But now you need to submit some of your experiences in a kiosk below so I can write more. 😉
Hahaha. Funny stuff…would make a great stage play! 😉
Thank you dear! 😀
Haha haha ah I keep saying this! Gyae gyimii Yi!
someone has to make people smile in these trying times! 😉
Reblogged this on Pam writes and commented:
Tells it as it is in our local barbering shops! Enjoy!
Funny piece indeed. A Very typical scenario in barber shops and saloons.
Hahahahaha… Thank u dear! U should try and comment below with an experience uv had at a kiosk. 😉
😀 Why didn’t you continue???? Who screamed what and What happened to the school owner????
Oh gosh….uhahahahaha…this is so funny!! Good piece!!!
Thank u madam!